I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
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Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
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By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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