I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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