The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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