I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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