So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
