His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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