did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
