STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
