eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Randomize
