i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize