i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Mom said you looked used
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
