after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I party with great urgency now.
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