Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
