drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
