I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
