Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cockslap morals
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
