sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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