I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
