You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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