So drunk, too bad you don't want this
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
