She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
