did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
