i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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