I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
