Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
4 words: hood of his car
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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