and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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