420 ftw
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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