I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I love having hate sex.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
