Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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