Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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