Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
