When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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