DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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