Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
