It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
