she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
