Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
