Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
