I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
