NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
