It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
