i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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