I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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