I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
