Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
