I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
