This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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