Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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