Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
