It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
