i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
