No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
