I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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