Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I am one with the molecules
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
