It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
