Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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