OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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