i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
