So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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