I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
