Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
