Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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