I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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