Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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