My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
