sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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