Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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