Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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