Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I pour the whiskey from now on
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
