I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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