New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
