Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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