Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
