After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
