I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
