I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
