I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
