we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize