Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
