I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
