what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
