Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
