and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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