Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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