Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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